Week 2 – People Pleasing
January 13, 2024

Change the Channel: People-Pleasing
Self-Pity: “My Problems Are Worse Than Anyone Else’s”

The Best Way To Get Out Of Self-Pity Is Gratitude

Being a people-pleaser is “meeting the desires and expectations of every person around you and being addicted to that approval.”

Signs of a People-Pleaser
Struggle with being constantly worried about what other people think about them.
Are addicted to the approval of others.
Feel responsible for how other people feel.
Thinking that someone might be upset or mad at them makes them very uncomfortable.
It’s easier to just agree with everyone than try and express their own opinion.
Apologize all the time even when they didn’t do anything wrong.
Change their behavior based on what they think other people want from them.
Feel overscheduled and overburdened by all the things they’ve obligated themselves to do.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
“Eat and drink!” he says to you,
But his heart is not with you.
Proverbs 23:7 NKJV

Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.
1 Samuel 15:24 NKJV

Saul lost his relationship with God, his kingdom and even his son Jonathan because of valuing the opinions of other people over what God had called him to do and be.

The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.
Proverbs 29:25 NKJV

“Fear” describes an unhealthy fear of what other people may think of us. It’s a fear of being judged, criticized and rejected.

The Trap of People-Pleasing
1. It causes you to miss God’s purpose for your life.
2. It damages relationships.
3. It silences your witness.

Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.
John 12:42-43 NKJV

The Trap of People-Pleasing
1. It causes you to miss God’s purpose for your life.
2. It damages relationships.
3. It silences your witness.
4. It makes you live with assumptions that aren’t always true.
5. It causes you to lose sight of your values.

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
“Eat and drink!” he says to you,
But his heart is not with you.
Proverbs 23:7 NKJV

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 NKJV

How to Avoid People-Pleasing

1. Determine who you want to please.

For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10 New King James Version

2. Practice being assertive.

Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those who were of the circumcision. And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.
Galatians 2:11-13 NKJV

3. Clarify your values.

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42 NKJV

4. Take time to decide to say yes or no.

But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
Matthew 5:37 NKJV

The yes on the outside needs to match the yes on the inside.

5. Be Authentic

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
The plans of His heart to all generations.
Psalm 33:11 NKJV

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment.And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
Matthew 22:37-39 NKJV

Determine Who You Want To Please
Practice Being Assertive
Clarify Your Values
Take Time To Decide To Say Yes Or No
Be Authentic